Life
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Living Life On My Own Terms

Unlike others who may already have the benefit of hindsight, it’s a story I’m still in the midst of living. The path is confusing, I’m still seeking clarity. I will eventually join the ranks of those fortunate enough to now have 20/20 vision. Nothing lasts forever, not even tough times. This is the story of my journey of learning to trust and let go.

I have guarded my story fiercely. I held on to my armour of composure, calm and wisdom like there was no tomorrow. It’s an armour I’ve spent my whole life polishing, perfecting and wearing with ease. Not because of any need to be liked or desire to be regarded a certain way. No, I wore this armour because I wanted to be strong for others and I believed my story was mine alone. I believe each person’s story is a privilege to be told and no one was in any position to judge. I still believe all these, but I’ve changed my mind on something fundamental.

Our stories of humanity, love, resilience, pain, dreams, broken hearts, success, beauty, miracles, desires — all these and more are what bind us as human beings. It’s what connects our hearts and souls to each other. Others’ stories give us the chance to see our own stories in a from a different lens. Others’ stories have been a source of inspiration, comfort, excitement, wisdom and courage for me. This is why I’ve decided to share my story. In the hope that I might, in the smallest of ways, touch someone else’s life.

There are many books out there and people who stand on TED stages telling us beautiful life lessons. But stories that I’ve come across so far are told with the benefit of hindsight. See, I don’t have that just yet. My vision isn’t quite 20/20 yet. I’m still right in the thick of things. I haven’t yet reached the light at the end of this dark tunnel, and I wanted to document my story towards that light.

“But stories that I’ve come across so far are told with the benefit of hindsight. See, I don’t have that just yet. My vision isn’t quite 20/20 yet. I’m still right in the thick of things. I haven’t yet reached the light at the end of this dark tunnel, and I wanted to document my story towards that light.”

~ The Trust Journey

Yes, I trust that the light IS there and that I WILL get there. Mind you, it’s one thing for me to write that sentence, it’s quite another to fully have faith in those words. But I’m trying. Every. Single. Day. To trust life and let go of the outcome. To know without fear or doubt that whatever happens is the best possible outcome.

In these pages, I will fill it with honesty and authenticity. This is a place for respect and acceptance. Judgment does no one any good. This is a place for kindness and compassion, and I ask that you respect that. Otherwise, feel free to move on away from this space. That’s just a click away.

So here goes. I’m on the verge of walking out of an 11-year marriage, a 16-year relationship. I’m in love with a man who is unavailable. The big break I thought I was getting in my TV job was thwarted by Covid-19. I’m living with a chronic illness, which doesn’t affect my quality of life and is manageable, but nevertheless a constant concern.

But there’s something I wanted to make clear (for me, as much as for you, dear reader), I’m not one to focus on what’s lacking or not sorted in life without acknowledging the abundance in my life that I’m grateful for every single day. But for the purposes of sharing my journey, I’ll open up as much as I possibly can and feel comfortable doing.

Why do this? Because I’m hoping that sharing my story might, even in the smallest of ways, resonate with someone and make them feel supported and not alone. Because writing my thoughts down is therapeutic. Because there’s beauty in the human experience no matter what it looks like. I’m choosing to live my life on my own terms. It’s messy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our stories are beautiful, powerful, unique. As are you.

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Perpetually curious; oftentimes optimistic; sometimes quite lost, but always living in the present and moving forward.

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